The Retainer
by dart93
Summary: Naruto never goes to the Academy, the Hokage takes him in and trains him to be a powerful Retainer to the Hokage and his family. Mix between Walter from 'Hellsing' and Niles from 'The Nanny'. PowerfulNaruto, possible Harem. Sasuke gets B****-Slapped.
1. Chapter 1

The Retainer

Chapter 1

(I own nothing)

-X-

"Hokage-sama, team seven has arrived with Tora,"

Hiruzen Sarutobi pressed the button on his intercom, "Send them in," he replied before going back to his work and waiting for Kakashi and his team to arrive from their recent mission of capturing Tora the cat.

They entered, Sasuke Uchiha leading, his face covered in claw marks while Sakura, his fan girl, looked worse off while carrying the brown cat with a red ribbon tied on it's right ear. Behind them followed Sai, a pale and introverted boy with a disturbing fascination with the male reproductive organ and a love for painting, and lastly Kakashi, the ever perverted jonin who could never show up on time.

"Mission complete, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said lazily from behind his porn while the Hokage checked the time.

"Four and a half hours, that's a new record," he mused, making the Uchiha smirk.

The intercom buzzed again, "Hokage-sama, Madam Shijimi is here… oh and I see your afternoon tea on the way too."

"By all means send them in," the old man replied before the Fire Daimyo's wife entered.

"TORA-CHAN!" she squealed upon seeing her pet, only for it to gain amazing speed and strength out of fear, twisting in the pink haired girls arms and clawing her face again.

With a yelp, Sakura released the animal, allowing it to scamper out like death was on it's heels.

"Oh no!" Madam Shijimi cried, "Hokage-kun, Tora ran away again!"

The Hokage sighed before the door opened, "Pardon me, but did someone lose this?"

Turning, everyone saw a young blond teen holding a silver trey carrying a pot of tea and a set of dishes in one hand, while holding a rather unhappy Tora in the other.

In a flash, Tora was crushed in the large woman's loving death grip. Much to the Genin's joy.

The teen walked in and placed the trey down on the Hokage's desk before turning to the woman, "Excuse me, Madam Shijimi, might I make a suggestion?" he questioned, catching her attention, "Instead of smothering the poor feline like you would a missing child, perhaps you would find that Tora-chan might cease her attempts at running away if you stop hurting her."

"Huh, I'm hurting her?" she asked making them all sweat drop.

"Indeed Madam, Felines are proud and quite lazy animals, and if I may be frank with you… well, the way you treat her is more like a plushy or an object, animals do have feeling and if you were to just sit with her and stroke her instead of crush her, I'm more than certain that you will find her less willing to run away."

She looked at the blond then to the cat, who seemed to be nodding in agreement with him. "I see," she muttered, slightly embarrassed but happy with how Tora stopped fighting and calmed down as she rubbed her head. "Thank you child,"

The blond gave a dignified bow, "Of course Madam, it is my pleasure," then he turned to the Hokage, "Now, if I may be excused Hokage-sama, I have other tasks that need doing, I shall return later to retrieve the dishes."

Team Seven took the time to study the blond he was around their age and just a few inches taller than Sasuke. His blond hair was spiky but not too much, most looked like he pushed it back with gel but the way it moved with him proved that it was natural. He had six marks on his face, three on each cheek and had the bluest eyes that seemed to stare deep into your being. His clothing was different too, he wore a long-sleeved white shirt with a red band around both arms that matched the red tie he had on. Over that he had a dull faded black vest, but not like a ninjas vest, it seemed to be made of silk and fit him perfectly. He had on a pair of blue slacks, tailored and fitted just for him and on his feet were a pair of black dress shoes while a pair of white gloves were on both hands. (Walter C. Dornez)

The Hokage nodded and the blond seemed to vanish in a flash.

"Hokage-kun," Madam Shijimi asked, "Who was that child?"

Sarutobi smiled, "That was Naruto Uzumaki, my butler and retainer to the Sarutobi Clan,"

"Oh?" she exclaimed, "Is he for hire?" she could see how talented the boy was and knew that having him around would make like much easier that it already was, especially after helping her with Tora-chan, only, the Hokage chuckled.

"I'm sorry Madam Shijimi, but he isn't,"

-X-

Walking down the street with his hands behind his back and eyes closed, sixteen year old Naruto Uzumaki stopped, "Shouldn't you be in class?"

The 10 year old Konohamaru dropped a camouflaged sheet made to look like a wooden fence with a grin while rubbing the back of his head, "Aw, I can never trick you Boss,"

"And neither can Udon and Moegi, both of you drop the sheets, your all busted,"

The other two did so with a groan, knowing that they had been caught.

Naruto turned and gave them a smile, "You three should stop skipping class, how will you become great ninjas if you don't learn?"

Konohamaru grinned, "But you stopped going to the academy, Boss!" he said, "I'm gonna drop out and train with you."

"Yeah!" "Me too!" the other two added.

Naruto chuckled, walking over and patting the shorted boy's head, only to send him to the ground with a sudden punch that sent his eyes spinning and scared the other two, "Don't you even think of dropping out, if your grandfather hears that he'll have a stroke!" he yelled at them, "And don't you care about me? I need those seven hours of peace to while your in class!"

"But Boss!" He whined, "I wanted to train with you!"

"Oh no, that little whine don't bother me anymore… I fell for it for a year," Naruto ended with a grumble before crossing his arms, "Now, you are going to the academy and that's that… if you do good on your test maybe I'll teach you something."

"But-" getting a glare, Konohamaru stopped, "Never mind, I'll go,"

Naruto smiled, "Good, now hurry along before you get in even more trouble."

They nodded and scurried away with a wave, "Bye Boss!"

Waving back, Naruto sighed and vanished once again, going to the Sarutobi compound and using Shadow Clones to clean the place.

As the Butler and Family retainer, Naruto took care of a lot of things depending how Biwako Sarutobi, Hiruzen's wife was feeling. Sometimes she would take care of the washing or cook dinner but if she were feeling bad or needed a break, he would take over and finish. She was never mean to him and loved him like a son but she was still strongly opinionated about 'girl-power' saying that women were far stronger than men as they can endure childbirth. But despite her view, she would be the first to admit, he was extremely skilled and could protect himself or them in the blink of an eye.

"Welcome back Naruto-kun," Biwako greeted the blond as he appeared in the home, not batting an eyelash as she folded clothes.

"Afternoon, Biwako-sama… I see your up and about." he replied with a bow before moving to help her.

She frowned, hating that he was always so formal. She had tried to break him of the habit before but the best she got was for him to show his humorous side every once and a while, although she had no idea why he disliked her son Asuma, maybe because he smoked and accidentally burned a hole in his favorite coat one time. But damn could the blond hold a grudge.

FLASHBACK

Standing in the kitchen, 13 year old Naruto helped Biwako cook as Asuma walked in with an excited smile, "Hey mom guess what!"

Naruto turned around, "Ms. Yuhi finally left a message on your machine?"

"No, no… I was…" Asuma stopped and gave the blond a glare, "NO," he growled in annoyance, "I was chosen to be one of the Twelve Guardian Ninja!"

FLASHBACK END

FLASHBACK

Looking at a carton of milk, Naruto glanced at Asuma who was eating a bowl of pudding, "So, Asuma… how's it taste?"

"It's pretty damn good," he answered while licking what his spoon couldn't get.

Naruto sighed and set the carton down roughly, "I knew it, these expiration dates are meaningless,"

Asuma stopped and turned green, seeing the date from where he was sitting and saw that it was two weeks old.

FLASHBACK END

"Oh ho!" Biwako giggled while picking up a leopard print Speedo, "I never knew Hiruzen-kun had this."

Naruto reached over and pulled it out of her hands, "Guess again,"

-X-

Walking towards the training grounds, team seven and their sensei were silent. Mostly thinking about the strange person they had seen in the Hokage's office.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked after a moment, only to get a bored 'hm' from her teacher, "Exactly who was that guy?"

For the first time ever, Kakashi closed his book to answer a question, gaining their rapt attention. "His name is Naruto Uzumaki, he should be a year or two older than you. He's been a Retainer to the Hokage and his clan for nearly ten years."

"So he's a servant to the Hokage," Sasuke stated, "Then how could he vanish like that?" he questioned, feeling that a lowly servant shouldn't be able to out do him.

"He's no ordinary servant, he may not look like it but he is highly skilled and very loyal to the Hokage. Only the Hokage knows just how strong he is but he's been known to take down escapees and traitors to the village. He's even the one responsible for preventing the forbidden scroll from being stolen." he told them as the knowledge was widely known around Konoha.

Sasuke didn't speak but was annoyed and angry that a common servant was stronger than him, he made a mental note to go to the council to demand that he be given that training.

"So he's a ninja?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi slowly shook his head, "No… well not really, but he could be. He's been offered before but he never accepts it. I personally think it's because being a retainer is much simpler, especially when you have ninjustu to help."

"So how strong is he?" Sasuke demanded to know.

This threw the man for a loop, as he wasn't sure, "Well… ah… I'm not sure," he mused to himself, "The Hokage trained him… and there's been rumors that he gave Jiraiya-sama a beating for letting the Hokage's grandson get his hands on one of his books… so I guess he could be anywhere from ANBU to Sannin level,"

-X-

Later that evening, Asuma walked into the clan compound after team training with a lit cigarette in his mouth and sat down in the living room with a huff. Suddenly, there was a small blur of light and he found the tip of his death stick cut off.

"Now, Asuma-san, what have I said about smoking indoors?"

Turning his head, Asuma grimaced at the sight of the blond butler, fixing him with a cool stare as he held his arms behind his back. The Smokers bane of the Sarutobi clan he called him, it seemed that no matter what, if he tried to smoke in the house when the boy was near, he'd lose his cigarette or be forced to go outside. Never mind the fact that his nephew and mother agreed with the blond and would sometimes help him. He still hadn't found his silver lighter after Konohamaru nabbed it.

All because he had fell asleep on the couch one day after training and burned a hole in one of Naruto's winter overcoats, who buys a 50,000 yen (700 USD) overcoat anyway?

"Fine, fine…" he groaned before standing up, "I'll go outside."

Naruto smiled and turned around before leaving to finish cooking dinner for the family while some clones took care of some other things.

"Naruto-kun, what do you think about inviting Konohamaru-chan's friend over for supper?" Biwako asked after a minute while stirring a pot of stew for the night.

"Well, today is Saturday, most people do have a life." he answered only for Asuma to walk in. He looked at him and started laughing lightly, "Well some people do, besides, Hiruzen-sama will be busy tonight I'll be taking him a plate soon"

"BOSS!" Konohamaru screamed while running in from the door leading to the back yard, jumping and trying to tackle the blond.

Naruto ducked, letting him sail over him and right into Asuma, knocking him over before standing straight and turning to the pair, "Now Konohamaru, you know better than that…"

"He's right Ko-chan" his grandma chided, "We've both told you, no horse playing in the kitchen,"

"Really?" the boy mused while standing up, not minding that he had knocked out his uncle, "He told me that I'd never get the drop on him,"

Without missing a beat, Biwako turned to look at the blond.

"What?" Naruto defended, "I told him the truth, who knew he'd take it as a challenge."

"But you said," the child stopped after getting the evil eye. One thing that he learned right quick was never try to get the blond in trouble or try to blackmail him. Naruto had babysat him many times and knew many embarrassing things or secrets that would get him grounded. As retainer, Naruto had permission to sign anything that the academy sent home, much like report cards, progress reports, notes from the teachers, or even the discipline referrals he'd get for skipping or missing class.

He'd often sign the referrals depending on how serious the trouble was or cover for him by righting a sick notes, he'd even sign progress reports with a bad grade but if it didn't improve, he'd show Hiruzen or worse… Biwako.

Thinking for a moment, he tried to think of something to say as he had already caught his grandma's attention.

"Oh?" she exclaimed, looking at Naruto, "And what did he say?"

"Ah… that he would train me for passing my test," the 10 year old replied, "I was so excited that I could help it." He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding when Naruto smiled.

"Of course Konohamaru-kun, I'll teach you something just as soon as I return from taking your grandfather his dinner," Naruto told the boy before fixing said plate and walking towards the door, stopping next to Asuma and looking down at him, "Would you look at this, lazing about in the middle of the floor."

-X-

A little while later, Naruto stood in the back yard training ground of the compound with Konohamaru standing across from him in a battle stance.

"Ok Ko-chan, let us see what you have learned in the academy, come at me full on." Naruto told him with his arms behind his back.

The boy rushed him and tried to kick him in the head, only for Naruto to sidestep and pull him back by his scarf and throw him back. "No Ko-chan, do not rush your opponents head on, I said full on. Use your mind and access the situation,"

Konohamaru threw a few Kunai and followed up with running in to attack, only, a blur of light sliced the knives in two before he found himself tied up by thin wires.

"You are learning… yet you make the same mistakes-" Naruto stopped, looking down to one of the cut kunai only to see a explosive training note wrapped around the handle. Quickly, he unraveled the wires holding the boy and vanished just in time for a small bang to erupt from the note followed by a large plume of smoke.

"My, my, you have indeed improved Ko-chan," Naruto said from behind him, "I guess I can teach you a little something better that Taijutsu."

Konohamaru spun around to see Naruto smirking with a one handed Seal, "Shinkirou-no-wangetsu-tsuki" (Mirage of the Crescent Moon)

Everything turned black until they both stood in a void, Naruto was the only thing he could see until a large crescent moon appeared above him. Naruto moved his arms to the side but every time he move he had a long line of after images sluggishly following and it was confusing to see.

Naruto pressed his hands together and pulled them apart, a bright blue line connecting to all five fingers before he swiped his hands through the air, breaking the lines into ten separate ones that lengthened and seem to float in the air.

They flew towards the boy who closed his eyes, those lines were dangerous on their own and in the hands of Naruto they were deadly.

-THUMP-

"OW!" Konohamaru yelped, knelling down and rubbing his forehead. Looking up he found himself back in the back yard with Naruto standing over him, hand still out from thumping him.

"Ko-chan, you really didn't think that I would be so cruel as to use my wires on you like that did you?" he chuckled, "Now stand up, I'll teach you to use one of my Jutsu."

In a flash, Konohamaru was standing and paying rapt attention.

"Now, Ko-chan… this isn't anything to… flashy… well technically it is but I created it and you will be the first person to learn it." Naruto started while slowly showing him the hand seals needed. "Dog… Tiger… and Snake, those are the needed seals for my Kosenkou-no-Jutsu (Great Flash)"

Watching him slowly go the seals Naruto nodded, "Good, now… when you channel your chakra, let it flow through your arms and to the palms of your hands."

The final seal had his hands pressed together with his fingers interlocked, Konohamaru did as he was told and noticed that his hands felt like something was in it before voicing his discovery.

Naruto nodded, "Good, that's how it's suppose to feel, your doing it right. Now, compress it and open your palms while forcing the chakra out." he said before stepping aside and looking away.

A moment later and Konohamaru called out, "Kosenkou-no-Jutsu!" before a bright flash of light followed by a light breeze came from the boys palms. It was weak, something akin to the flash of a camera but with practice it would blind an opponent without them looking directly at it. "Cool!"

Naruto patted Konohamaru on the head, "Keep practicing when you can, it took you far to long for it to be of uses right now. But now we need to go on in and have dinner,"

-X-

"What do you mean?" Sasuke demanded Sunday morning, standing in front of the council, "I'm a Uchiha, I deserve that same training!"

He had walked into the meeting, unannounced, to demand his 'rightful' training from either the Hokage or that lowly servant only for them to laugh and tell him that they wouldn't help him.

"He's right!" called a civilian with pink hair, "Uchiha-sama has every right to receive the same training as that servant."

Tsume Inuzuka snorted, "You'd have more luck making Hiashi tell jokes," she said while rolling her eyes at the boy, making him growl.

"Watch you mouth dog!"

Tsume raised an eyebrow, "I'd say the same to you pup," she shot back, more than happy to relate herself to a K9 than the idiots of the civilian council, "You come in here demanding to be trained and expect us to bow down and kiss your ass like those idiots over there?"

"I'm a Uchiha! You should be begging to help-" Sasuke didn't get to finish as Tsume vanished, appearing in front of him and slapping him across the chambers.

"Inuzuka!" the pink one screamed, "You are out of line, apologize now!"

She flipped her off, "Kiss my ass crosskicking whore," Tsume spat while going back to her seat. "He insulted me so I'm well within my rights to knock him down like the little bitch he is, and we Shinobi don't answer you civilians."

Hiashi stood up, "Well if this was all we came in for today, to watch the Uchiha act like a spoiled child, then I'm leaving. I have better things to do than sit here and once again listen to the pathetic complaints of a worthless Uchiha," he said coldly before leaving, all the other Shinobi clan heads following his lead.

-X-

Naruto, dressed in a fresh set of his clothing, walked down a side street while humming to himself and wondering what to do on his day off. He absently thanked Kami for the Ninja Academy having class on Saturdays because he had already had to deal with little Konohamaru for nearly a year before he was old enough to join the academy after they changed back to the peace time academy standards of only graduating a class when they were 14 or 15 instead of 12. It wasn't that he disliked spending time with the boy it was that for someone as small as him, he could make a mess and annoy a Nukenin into killing themselves.

Thankfully, Moegi and Udon came over and all he had to do was show them and explain the Jutsu he taught Konohamaru and soon they were off practicing under the watchful eye of Biwako, who just so happened to be a retired Medic Ninja.

"Hey you!" called a voice, "Hey, Servant!"

Turning, Naruto saw Sasuke, sporting a nice bruise on his cheek jumping down from a rooftop holding a scroll.

"It's not servant, I'm a Retainer, there is a difference. Now what might you need?"

"Train me,"

Raising an eyebrow at the slightly younger teen, Naruto turned to fully face him, "I'm sorry but I am not a jonin, nor am I your sensei"

Sasuke threw the scroll, only for Naruto to catch it with ease. "What is this?

"Orders from the civilian council" Sasuke smirked, "You are ordered to train me or face charges of treason."

Naruto opened the scroll and chuckled, making him sneer.

"What's so funny Servant!"

Naruto rolled up the scroll and slid it into his pocket, "Why you are Uchiha, do you think I will fall for these empty threats? You nor the council may order me to do anything, that's the beauty of being the Retainer to the Hokage." he said with a smile, "And besides, even if they could order me around I still wouldn't obey, you Uchiha are like spoiled children, in my opinion, I think your brother did us a favor, too bad he left you alive though"

Shaking in anger, Sasuke flashed through the hand seals for a grand fireball and tried to murder the blond, only for Naruto to vanish.

Reappearing behind him, Naruto backhanded him through a fence and into the tree behind it, knocking him out and giving him a bruise to match the other.

"You Uchiha are all the same," he muttered before stopping, "Ok… not all of them at least, your mother had quite the attractive ass, her rack wasn't too bad either…"

Naruto pulled the Uchiha out of the broken fence and threw him into a half empty trashcan ass first with his hands stuck between him and the edge before walking away musing to himself, 'I hear that there's a new movie out in theaters that's pretty good, maybe I'll check it out.'

-X-

A few weeks passed and nothing seemed to change, Naruto served as the retainer and butler to the Sarutobi clan as always, sometimes acting as Konohamaru and his friends part time sensei when his after-school tutor, an uptight Tokubetsu Jonin named Ebisu who like to boast about being an elite trainer, suddenly lost his vision for close to a week.

He tried to say that it was from faulty flash pellets, but Naruto instantly knew that Konohamaru or one of the other two had temporarily blinded the man. They were afraid at first, thinking that he would be mad at them, but to their surprise and relief, Naruto congratulated them. Ebisu was a fool and thought that being a 'elite' trainer was an honor, that he was better than others. But honestly, no other ninjas wanted the job or the title that came with it, calling it a pussy job… which it was.

On another note, Sasuke had once again tried to weasel training out of him, this time going to the Hokage and asking, quite rudely, for him to order his servant into training the village elite.

Once again, Sasuke was laughed at, this time by the Hokage himself. Naruto thanked Kami that he had been there at the time…

FLASHBACK

"I want your Servant to train me," Sasuke blurted while walking into the office, ignoring the secretary telling him that he couldn't go in there. "I need and deserve that training and I want you to make him,"

Hiruzen looked to the side, where Naruto was standing in his usual stance with his arms behind his back, then to the Uchiha, who seemed rather smug.

"HAHAHA!" the old man bellowed while Naruto allowed a few soft chuckles to escape.

Sasuke's smugness, thinking that he would now have his way, vanished and was replaced by anger.

"Oh that was good one!" the Hokage sighed after a moment of gut busting laughter, "Like I would order him to train someone, even if I did he'd refuse."

"What?" Sasuke growled, rage bubbling in his veins at being deigned what he wanted and deserved.

"What, you don't think that you're the first person to try and get training from him do you?" Hiruzen chuckled, "Each week I get letters and requests asking for him, usually it's some wealthy family wanting him to train their child or a noble wanting to hire him. A Retainer of his skill and talent is always in demand."

Naruto nodded, "I'm somewhat of a hot commodity," he added, losing all emotion and looking at the teen without a trace of humor.

"Now, leave and don't burst in here again without being called for, this is the Hokages office, my office… Not some snot nosed Genin's. The civilian council may have treated you like a prince because of your name but to me… and to every other ninja, your just a spoiled little brat playing ninja." Hiruzen's words were empty and cold as he glared at the teen, "The next time you enter my office without me allowing you in, much less start demanding things, I will have you sent to the IT department to learn some humility."

FLASHBACK END

So now he stood in the Hokages office once again, helping him with his work load by filing scrolls and documents away in their right places. He often wondered why the man had yet to use the shadow clone jutsu to quickly finish the work quickly, much like he had this morning by leaving a clone to pack a lunch for Ko-chan and another to vacuum the living room.

He thought about telling him but decided that he might need some time off or a favor in the future so he bit his tongue.

"So Naruto-kun, you got any plans for tomorrow?" the old man asked.

He shrugged, "Besides the usual? Not really,"

He usually got off around 7:30 and would either help Konohamaru with his Homework or just watch a bit of TV, take a shower, and then go to bed. He never really got out too much, normally his vacation days were spent going to a movie or polishing his skills and it wasn't like he had a girlfriend. In this line of work one didn't meet too many girls and those he did meet wouldn't be interested in a someone who was a Retainer, which was only a step or two above domestic servant.

Then it hit him, making him curse inwardly. Biwako and Hiruzen had both started conspiring to get him to socialize with others his own age. It wasn't that he was scared of meeting new people or being known as a Retainer, after all he took pride in the position, but he just didn't like being around people his own age. He could and has, held a conversation with Hiashi Hyuga about village politics one day when Hiruzen was being held up before a meeting, distracting him from noticing how late the Hokage had been.

But put him with a bunch of teenaged boys whose daily routines revolved around the female anatomy, food, and sleep, or a bunch a girls who talked about… whatever their exceedingly complex minds revolved around and his mind went blank. Sure he found a woman's body to be a beautiful thing but he wouldn't allow himself to be led around by his cock. As for girls he would rather spend his time with a older, more mature woman.

"Well there is a small festival tomorrow at the academy, all the classes have been canceled and there will be a few small contests and competitions for ninjas and students."

Naruto felt a 'but' coming in.

The old man sighed, "Konohamaru-kun want's to go and enter the tournament for students and watch the rounds between Genin and other higher ranked ninja"

Naruto picked up and finished the sentence, "But students must be accompanied by a parent or guardian, and as the Sarutobi Retainer, I can act as such."

He nodded, setting his pen down, "Yes… I would go but I have to work, sometimes I hate this job…"

"Of course, Hokage-sama, I'd be happy to go," the blond said after a moment.

-X-

Later that afternoon, after helping the three ditch Ebisu, Naruto helped Konohamaru and company practice their skills in preparation for the little tournament. It was mainly a thing were Parents got to come and watch their children shine… or fail and watch some other seasoned ninja battle for their amazement and to motivate them. There was also a small festival before it where people could play games and win prizes, show off their skill at throwing kunai, and generally have a good time.

He didn't train them too hard, not wanting to lower their chances at wining the prize from being too sore or tired the next day.

And for the first time in… ever, Konohamaru didn't complain or try to hold off on taking a bath and going to bed.

The next morning, Naruto awoke and got up early around 5AM as usual, he had been given the day off from his normal duties to take Konohamaru to the festival so he took his time in gathering his normal clothing and heading towards the bathroom in a bathrobe.

On the way down hall, he saw the kitchen light on but shrugged it off, as one of the elder Sarutobi's sometimes got up just as early. But when looked in, he stopped. It wasn't Hiruzen or Biwako sitting at the island bar in the middle of the kitchen with a cup of coffee in hand while reading the morning post, it was Konohamaru.

He looked downtrodden and seemed to have just gotten out of bed, sitting on a stool in his underwear while eating cereal.

The boy hadn't noticed him yet and he had a clear shot at getting to the best shower in the house before anyone else did, he had a dilemma. On one hand he could put it off and be the first to use the bathroom for a shower, seeing at it was closest to the hot water heater it always heated up faster and got the most hot water. But on the other hand, Ko-chan was like family and it was his obligation to at least try and help, besides he didn't want to feel too guilty cashing his paycheck this week.

Sighing, he turned into the Kitchen and walked over, placing his neatly folded clothing on the counter and pulling another stool out to sit next to Konohamaru. "Is something wrong Ko-chan?" he asked, forgoing a greeting

He murmured something that sounded like 'no', making Naruto sigh.

"Ko-chan, I've been living here for ten years, nearly a week before you were born," Naruto sighed while leaning on the bar. "I've known you and helped take care of you your whole life, I've helped bathe you, bottle fed you, helped change your diapers, and so much more. I was there for your first word, your first steps, and have held you after you had a bad dream, do you honestly think that I can't tell when something's bothering you?"

"It's… well…" Konohamaru started, struggling to find the right words, "Today is the day that Kaa-san…"

Naruto's eyes widened at that, 'How could I forget such a thing!' he yelled at himself mentally. Konohamaru's mother had died not even a whole year after Ko-chan had been born due to an infection. Her immune system had suffered and was severely weakened from the stress of childbirth and without it she had slowly gotten ill until passing in her sleep. They had all suffered from the loss but Konohamaru was too young to remember, so they decided to try and shelter him from it until he was older.

"Oh Ko-chan," he sighed with a small frown while rubbing his shoulder, "I know it hurts to think about, but she's in a better place, always watching over you."

"I know… but…" Konohamaru turned to look at him fully, eyes downcast but devoid of tears, "I don't feel sad about it, that's the thing. I can't remember anything about her… will you tell me about her again?"

He nodded, "Your mother was… something else," Naruto started while looking at the bar with a soft smile, "You look just like her too, same eyes, same color hair… I didn't know her as much as your grandparents though… and when I wasn't training I was helping her with anything she needed, but I didn't have to know her to see how much she loved you."

Naruto laughed lightly, "I remember how violent she got when anything she though was harmful got near you, especially with your uncle Asuma. She would threaten him and nearly killed him one time for smoking in the house while you were asleep. I know everyone thinks that I'm against Asuma smoking in the house because of him burning my coat but honestly it's because of Chiyoko.

He stopped an turned, rubbing Konohamaru's spiky brown hair, "Don't feel down about not remembering her, she loved you and still loves you. You might not feel it or even see it, but she's always with you, watching over you."

Neither noticed Biwako hiding around the corner, smiling sadly as she listened in on them.

-X-

The arena used for the tournament wasn't nearly a big as the one used for the Chunin exams, it was just a wide stone platform close to fifty yards long and wide with stadium seats around it. Seals had been placed to keep any ninjustu from flying into the audience and a barrier team was agreed to raise an invisible shield to block any weapons or jutsu just in case.

The tournament for the students was held first and the rules were the same as any other all out spar, Ninjutsu and Genjutsu were allowed but if anything got out of hand or too dangerous, they would be stopped.

Konohamaru was a little nervous, especially when Hyuga Hanabi took down her target with ease and gave him a pointed stare, as if saying, 'your next,'

Udon was the first of the three to go and despite being much smarted and giving his opponent a tough time, he lost. But instead of pouting or crying like some had, he kept his head held high and never let the loss faze him.

Soon, the proctor called for Konohamaru and a boy named Nobori was called. With Naruto's training, he hadn't even needed to rely on a Ninjutsu to win.

The fights continued until Moegi was knocked from the tournament by Hanabi, who had already had the spot of top female student and Konohamaru showed that despite his normal grades, he had been hiding his skills and easily tricked the top male student with one of Naruto's usual, quite humiliating tricks, this one being to grab the back of his opponents shirt and pull it over his head before delivering a devastating knee to the head of the boy.

But now, he was standing across from Hanabi waiting for the match to start, this girl was brutal in her attacks and close quarters was a no go.

When the man yelled begin, he dodged any attack she threw at him by keeping some distance between them before hurriedly flashing through the three hand seals for his newest jutsu.

Everyone watched, shocked that a academy student already knew an earth jutsu, if the Snake seal was anything to go by.

Hanabi, thinking it to be a trick, rushed him head on only to be blown back moments later.

"Kosenkou-no-Jutsu!"

The resulting flash was blinding, the Hyuga stumbled and was thrown on her ass by the following pressure wave before screaming that she was blind, rolling around and holding her eyes, not able to tell that it was only temporary.

Naruto chuckled lightly, knowing that teaching Konohamaru that jutsu was the only reason he won. After all, the only reason he had created it in the first place was to easily disable Hyugas if he ever needed to.

Due to the nature of the Hyuga bloodline limit, their eyes were more sensitive to light and massive chakra flares. The Kosenkou-no-Jutsu acted as both, it they weren't actively using the bloodline then the bright flash of light got them, if they had it on, then the massive flash of chakra would get them and temporarily blind them. Although it was a bit painful.

To be continued…

-X-

Please review and tell me your thoughts, if it's no good then I'm not going to keep going.


	2. Chapter 2

The Retainer

Chapter 2

(I own nothing)

-X-

"I won! I won!" Konohamaru cheered while holding the foot tall trophy high above his head and jumping up and down as everyone clapped for him. Running to the edge of the ring, he slid up to a smiling Naruto, "Boss I won!"

Naruto nodded, "Why yes, I see that." he mused before giving the boy a pat on the head, "Now, do you wish to go on home or would you rather stay?"

The answer was rather obvious, any aspiring ninja would want to watch a battle against stronger ninjas so it was no surprise when he wanted to stay.

"Hey Boss?" Konohamaru asked after a moment, his voice suddenly anxious, "Me, Moegi, and Udon was wondering if you'd enter the next tournament,"

Naruto thought about it, "Well… technically I can be considered a ninja but with my position as a Retainer, I have no formal rank but can outrank any others in a time of crises. But it wouldn't be a good idea… or fair for that matter,"

"The servant's right," came a sneer from behind him, "The loser would be beaten in a minute."

"Ah, Uchiha Sasuke, I thought I smelled something foul in the air." The blond mused before turning his head to see the slightly younger teen, "What are you here for anyway, I thought this was a family event?"

The barb about his family wasn't missed and Sasuke growled, "I'm here with my team to compete, it's no use anyway, these ninja are as weak as you,"

Naruto raised an eyebrow, putting his arms behind his back, "If they are weak as me, then what does that make you? Considering that I knocked you out with a mere slap not too long ago?" he questioned without a hint of humor while Konohamaru was snickering.

Sasuke growled again, "You just got lucky, but I'm here to challenge you to a fight. When I win, you will train me."

Naruto raised an eyebrow, "When you win?" he repeated, "You seem to think that I was planning on accepting."

"I'll make you," Sasuke threatened, only for the blond to laugh.

"Oh you foolish little Uchiha, you have inherited your fathers arrogance, as well as his stupidity. But how about this, I'll accept your little challenge, I'll even agree to your terms, but when I win… well, leaving you in pain will be reward enough."

"Tch, whatever," Holding out his hand to solidify the deal, Sasuke sneered at him.

Smirking, Naruto took it, "At the risk of sounding like the poor medic that delivered you as a child... this could get ugly."

-X-

Naruto sat on a bench with Konohamaru and the gang, watching a pair of genin fight while they waited for him to be called for his match. The Uchiha had already been called and won his match with only a bit of trouble while his pink haired teammate got knocked out by an older girl with her hair in two buns… Tenten, if he remembered correctly.

That girl was talented, he had met her once before when she was still an academy student. She loved her weapons over any type of jutsu and had saw him practicing with his microfilament wires. The sight of him slicing through thick 100 year old trees and extremely dense training posts with a flick of the wrist or twitch of the finger had her amazed. Of course, like any other that had asked, he refused to teach her his art but it didn't stop her from trying to copy it.

While some people would've been offended or angered at that, he found her attempts rather amusing. After all, no one could copy his skill without his instruction, even if they managed to steal his gloves, which carried his wire, they would only end up killing themselves. Something that had happened before.

As expected, she failed to copy his deadly art but got rather skilled in using her the wire which ninja could buy, which was fifty times as thick as his near invisible microfilament, or monomolecular razor wire.

Looking around, he studied the crowd and looked for any familiar faces, with as much as he had helped the Hokage in his office, he had learned the names of many Jonin and Chunin, even a few ANBU and was able to put the names with their faces. Something that shocked the masked ninja when he greeted them by name when no one was around.

'So… Ms. Yuhi is here,' he thought with a hum. Asuma had a major crush on her and he took every chance to ask her out, only to be rejected. Something that he would remind the man of every chance he got.

She was a Genjutsu mistress and had been named Konoha's Ice Queen for refusing to date anyone that asked. Her best friend was Anko Mitarashi, self-proclaimed 'Number one most sexy and single Tokubetsu jonin of Konoha' and the second best interrogator in the IT department.

He had heard from the Hokage that she had decided to become a Jonin sensei, despite her rookie status to teach the heiress of the Hyuga clan, Hinata Hyuga.

"Next match, Hyuga Hinata verses Inaho Tomo." called the proctor.

Watching the match, he frowned as he noticed that the girl was far too timid and gentle. Hinata wasn't cut out to be a ninja, not that she wasn't talented, she just seemed to lack a ninjas most vital skill, the ability to hurt others or even kill them. Kurenai should really introduce her to one of the medic ninja, with their bloodline those that did join were invaluable and managed to save many lives.

Inaho Tomo lost to Hinata, both were close range fighters and overcoming a Hyuga in close quarters was hard unless you were more skilled.

"Winner, Hyuga Hinata!"

Everyone clapped and the proctor waited as she exited the ring and joined her team before calling out the next match.

Naruto ignored it, as well as the three children sitting with him who watched intently, and looked out to find a rather dejected Asuma standing with his team by one of the benches that contestants sat on. He made a mental note to pick on him later and continued to see Kakashi and Gai along with their teams.

Seeing as he had no rank, Naruto had signed up for both the genin and the much smaller Jonin fights, that is, after much begging and pleading on the Ko-corps' end. The person who took care of the signup desk was a Chunin that he knew from the tower so he didn't put up much of an argument about it at all.

Hearing his name, Naruto broke out of his thoughts just in time to hear his opponents name, one Inuzuka Kiba.

"Good luck Boss!" the three cheered, suddenly pulling out signs reading 'Naruto is number one' 'Go Boss!' and 'Naruto kicks butt' before waving them as he walked up onto the platform.

"This'll be a breeze," Kiba said while noticing his lack of weapons of ninja attire, "I'll kick your ass so bad your kids'll feel it."

"Is that so?" Naruto mused with his cavalier, devil may care tone, "While I admire your sprit, I find you severely ill-prepared to carry out your previous statement,"

"Huh?"

Sweat dropping, along with everyone else that heard that, Naruto sighed, "It means that you lack the skill or strength to do as you said, Inuzuka-san" he droned while in his usual stance, "Now, must I continue to educate you or do you wish to fight?"

Blushing from looking like an idiot, although some could argue that he looked angry instead, Kiba raised his fists while Akamaru prepared to fight, growling and glaring along with his master.

-X-

Kurenai hit herself in the forehead with her palm, "Damn it Kiba," she groaned, "not only did you make yourself look like an idiot but now your actually going to fight him of all people?"

-X-

Dodging, sidestepping, ducking, and leaning out of the way as Kiba and Akamaru, who was now in the form of Kiba, attacked him at the same time, Naruto made it look like child's play and seemed to be bored while doing so.

With twin growls, both Kiba and Akamaru lunged, Kiba going for a kick to the head from the front while Akamaru went for a punch from the side.

Turning, Naruto caught both limbs and sent them both to the ground where they bounced and landed in a pile. "I honestly expected more from you Inuzuka-san, but I guess your all bark and no bite."

Hearing this, Kiba pushed himself up, ignoring Akamaru who returned to his dog form after being knocked out. "Who the hell are you?" he growled brashly, angry at being beaten so badly, especially in front of all these people and his family, who came to see him fight.

"Ah!" Naruto exclaimed before giving a small bow, "I am Naruto Uzumaki, Retainer to Lord Hokage and his family."

Kiba took the chance and threw a pair of kunai at the blond while he wasn't looking, only for him to move out of the way.

"Why that was rather… cowardly… but then again, ninja are taught to use every opportunity." Naruto mused while straightening himself, "I commend you on that but as I stated previously, you are severely outclassed. I advise you quit and walk away while you can still do so…"

"Passing Fang!" Kiba cried out, leaping towards him while spinning at ferocious speeds.

Naruto vanished from the spot as Kiba crashed into the stone floor, damaging it and kicking up dust.

"My, my, what a mess you've made," Naruto stated while holding up one hand in a half seal, "But seeing as you've showed me a Jutsu, allow me to show you one of my own… Datchi Nezumitori-no-Jutsu, Kai (Earths Mousetrap, Release)"

The ground behind Kiba shot upwards in the shape of an upside down U, acting like a large mousetrap and slamming into Kiba's back, knocking him down and pinning him while he kicked and screamed as the spectators laughed.

"Do you give?" Naruto asked kindly with a smile, looking down at the boy.

"Never!"

Naruto made another half seal, "Datchi Nezumiotoshi-no-Jutsu, To (Earths Rat trap, Set)"

Another ring of stone raised, this time with inch long spikes all along the sides before leaning back, ready to snap and crush Kiba's head.

"OK! OK! I GIVE!"

"Winner, Uzumaki Naruto,"

Returning to his normal stance, Naruto canceled the jutsu and left the platform as Kiba cursed while everyone clapped and cheered.

-X-

Later, Naruto and Sasuke were called to fight each other. Standing across from each other, Sasuke tried to insult him but none seemed to even bother the blond, he didn't even respond.

"What? To scared to respond," he asked with a smirk.

Naruto only raised an eyebrow, "I have no breath to waste on you," he mused while connecting the tips of his fingers together. Turning his attention to the Procter, he politely asked for the match to begin.

When the man called it and jumped back, Naruto pulled his hands apart with a smirk, at first no one saw but soon they notices the small flickers of light reflecting off of something. Naruto flicked his wrist towards the Uchiha and put his arms back behind his back.

"Call the match, I've already won." he told the proctor, making Sasuke get pissed, thinking that he was being brushed off.

"You wish! No one is better than a Uchiha!" Sasuke roared while flashing through hand seals.

With a twitch of his fingers, Naruto smirked as his opponent's arms were suddenly pulled apart, breaking the seals to use jutsu and making Sasuke scream as blood began dripping from his wrists.

"These are special wires Uchiha, sharp enough to slice metal like a hot blade through butter. I control them like an extension to my hands and with a thought, I could sever your hands from your arms."

As if to prove his point the wires tightened a bit, making his grunt of pain increase in volume.

"For pestering me and so rudely demanding that I hand over my secrets, I should cripple you for life… I would be well within my rights to do so. I won't traumatize these children by making them watch as I slowly remove your hands, but know this… if you keep up this sad attempts to force me to train you, I will do more than cut your hands off, I'll end you and your worthless name."

Naruto released Sasuke, who dropped to his knees and clutched at his wrists as they bled, "Procter, you might wish to call the medics, I refrained from causing permanent damage but did sever a few veins. I'd saw by the amount of blood he's losing, he'll die in an hour without treatment." he said as if talking about the weather.

The man announced Naruto as the winner and the medics carried Sasuke off to get treatment.

Naruto was then awarded with a similar little trophy before a team of ninjas skilled in Earth Jutsu began fixing any damage caused to the stage while everyone was given an hour long break to do whatever.

"Boss that was so cool!" Konohamaru yelled as he returned to the three academy students, "You beat that emo like he owed you money,"

Smiling, Naruto handed him the trophy, "Here, you can put this one with yours,"

"But… it's yours, you won it,"

He shrugged, "I don't really care for trophies, besides, putting the Uchiha in his place was reward enough."

-X-

"Sensei, w-who is t-that m-m-man?"

Kurenai looked over to Hinata, who was shyly looking at the blond who just won the Genin tournament. "That Hinata, is Uzumaki Naruto, he's the Hokage's retainer, personally trained by the Hokage to protect him and his family,"

Kiba, whose back was still sore, huffed, "If he was trained by the Hokage, then why was he fighting at all, that's not fair. What is he, a jonin by now?"

She shook her head, "Actually, he doesn't have a rank at all, he works directly for the Hokage and no one else can order him around." the jonin told her students, "He is technically a ninja but seeing as he isn't ranked at all, he was allowed to join."

-X-

While the arena was being repaired, Naruto escorted the three children around the school yard, letting them play games and try to win prizes while they waited. Currently, Konohamaru and Co. were tossing blunted kunai at small moving targets to win a prize while Naruto stood to their side.

From the corner of his eye, Naruto saw Kakashi and Gai approaching with Kurenai while Asuma trailed behind her like a love-sick puppy.

"GREETINGS YOUTHFUL NARUTO-SAN!" Gai yelled suddenly, making the three academy students playing the game scream in shock. Each threw their kunai as hard as they could at the targets, the blunted yet still pointy blades flying in random directions. Udon's nearly stabbed the vendor, only for the man to duck down in time where it killed an innocent stuffed bear hanging on the wall. Konohamaru's flew threw the cloth roof and shattered one of the school windows, not that anyone really noticed at the time. Moegi's kunai struck the metal frame of the game wall and rebounded towards them. Naruto pulled Moegi back as the blade nearly hit her but gave it a perfect path straight into the ass of a passing ninja, who yelped and flew into the air.

Minutes later, Moegi was apologizing over and over to the man who was rubbing his rear in pain.

"It's fine," the man said kindly, understanding that it wasn't her fault, "Accidents happen you know,"

Naruto nodded and waved his hand at Asuma, "Exhibit A."

Asuma glared at the blonde, especially as Kurenai snickered from the joke.

The injured ninja left and the three students finished their game, wining a small prize in the end while the Jonin and Naruto talked.

"So Naruto, I heard that you were going to participate in the next part too." Kakashi mused from behind his book, "By the way, congratulations on winning,"

Naruto shrugged, his hands behind his back as usual, "It was nothing... really, I only joined for Konohamaru and his little friends." he told them "I've also heard that you four will be joining as well,"

"YOSH, NOTHING LIKE A FRIENDLY SPAR TO STOKE THE FLAMES OF YOUTH!" Gai announced while punching the air.

Out of thin air, Rock Lee appeared and the two hugged, screaming about the flames of youth.

"Dear Kami!" Naruto muttered, "It's multiplying,"

The disturbing display was soon cut short by a civilian mother who knocked them both out with a frying pan that she pulled out of nowhere while saying something about scaring her babies.

The group looked at them then at each other, no one speaking but each agreeing with what the others were thinking. Backing away slowly, they turned and left Gai out cold on the ground with his student.

-X-

Five minutes before the matches were to start, an announcement was made to alert everyone and soon, Naruto found himself back on the bench with the Konohamaru, Moegi, and Udon and watching as the Jonin fought while waiting for his match. So far Kurenai had used Genjutsu to beat her opponent, Gai was disqualified for not showing up, Kakashi used his vast supply of copied Ninjutsu, and Asuma managed to make his opponent submit with his trench knives.

When it was his turn, Naruto found himself standing across from Yamashirio Aoba, a jonin wearing a pair of red framed sunglasses and had his headband cocked to the side.

Aoba wasted no time in sending a fireball his way to distract him before using one of his personal jutsu to create a large flock of crows to block Naruto's vision. But the plan worked both ways, Aoba and the crowd couldn't see him nor could he see them.

"Kosenkou-no-Jutsu!" Naruto's voice called out from the flock before the arena lit up, the pressure wave causing the crows to pop like shadow clones and turn into small wisps of smoke. But unlike Konohamaru's, Naruto's pressure wave caused large cracks to form in the stone below him while it made Aoba stumble back like he had been punched in the chest.

But before anyone knew what had happened, Naruto appeared in front of Aoba and had kicked him in the face, sending the Jonin spinning while his sunglasses flew off and onto the ground next to the arena. Aoba landed on his shoulder and rolled a few times until he fell off the platform and cursed as that had disqualified him. Making Naruto the winner of his match.

Naruto really didn't pay close attention for the next round, only taking the time to notice the winners of each match, Kakashi won, Kurenai lost against a kenjutsu using Jonin that could use genjutsu well, and Anko, who had fought in the match after him, caused a double knockout when one of her snakes paralyzed her opponent, but the venom wasn't quick enough and she was knocked out by what she would later call a lucky blow.

"Would Naruto Uzumaki and Asuma Sarutobi please report to the arena!" the man called from the platform.

Both got into the arena and stood across from each other, Naruto in his butler stance with both arms behind his back while Asuma, who knew how he liked to attack, stood with his trench knives at the ready.

"You ain't tricking me this time Naruto," Asuma stated while looking around for the small glint of Naruto's wires, "I'm not losing to you,"

"Oh please," the blonde deadpanned, "Your so simple to trick that you constantly delude yourself into believing that your undesired endeavors at gaining Ms. Yuhi's praise and affection will someday succeed. Such a wretched and piteous mindset will undoutably lead you into future tribulation as your idiocracy will blind you much like it has now. Even now you have yet to notice that while you listen to my use of vernacular, you have failed to notice the fact that my monomolecular wire has ensnared you into a cunning trap."

Without warning, Asuma was pulled off his feet and slammed face first into the stone before being held spread eagle on the ground.

"Now, I believe that I won. Mr. Announcer, please call the match."

_To be continued_

-X-

Please review and tell me if this is still being looked at, I've lost my muse for a while and I'm just now getting back into it.


	3. Chapter 3

The Retainer

Chapter 2

(I own nothing)

-X-

"I knew it'd come to this," Kakashi sighed as he and Naruto faced each other on the arena floor ignoring the people watching all around them and waiting for the final match to start.

Naruto nodded while standing in his 'butler stance', "Indeed... one does not need a bloodline to see that we were doomed to face one another. I've ignored it for quite some time but that foreboding sensation in the air is hard to miss." he mused before narrowing his eyes and speaking in a lower tone, as not to let the crowd to hear, "Let me guess... the 'honorable' council have ordered you to 'teach' me some humility for putting the Uchiha in his proper place... am I correct?"

Kakashi didn't need to say anything, the small drooping of his shoulders and ashamed look in his eye told Naruto the truth.

Naruto hummed softly and placed his fingers together, "How disgraceful," he sighed with a small shake of the head, "A Jonin pushed around by a bunch of ignorant fools, what a sad state of affairs.

Pulling his hands apart, everyone saw the small glints of his wire that connected to each finger. He stretched them out a few feet and bit them between his teeth, separating the five into ten.

Kakashi quickly put his book away and raised his headband, "I will be taking this seriously Naruto," he warned only to get a small smirk in return.

"Good, otherwise I'd find your lack of trying to be insulting,"

Naruto made a lazy slapping motion and Kakashi was sliced in half, only for his body to turn into a log at the last moment.

"Earth Release: Rising Stone Spears!" Kakashi's voice called out.

Jumping high, Naruto flipped in mid air with his wires surrounding him, cutting a kunai that Kakashi had thrown while numerous large spikes of stone jutted from the arena floor below him.

Swiping his hand at them, his wires cut the sharp point off of one just moments before he landed on it and found Kakashi standing on the other end of the arena.

"Got you," the white haired man announced, sounding proud of himself.

Naruto's eyebrow raised a bit before he felt a small stinging sensation on his cheek. He rubbed it with a finger and saw a bit of blood. "I see... well Kakashi-san, I must inform you that I too, got you,"

The man blinked.

With a twitch of his finger, Naruto smirked as Kakashi's headband was pulled foreword, the small glinting of his wires showing that it was wrapped around the cloth before slicing through the blue material with ease.

The headband fell, the metal plate baring the symbol of the village clinking on the stone below the man.

"I could've easly wrapped that around your neck instead of your headband," The blonde mused before chuckling, "actually, I already have,"

He snapped his fingers and the wires lit up blue with chakra, showing that there was one wire looped around each of Kakashi's limbs, neck and torso, ready to slice him to pieces.

"I wouldn't try to substitute now, Kakashi," Naruto informed him, "My chakra is acting as a anchor to keep you in one place, one burst of foreign chakra and my wires might accidentally tighten on there own."

Kakashi sighed, "Fine I get it... I know when I'm beaten,"

-X-

Upon returning to the Sarutobi clan compound, Naruto was greeted by the smiling face of Biwako sitting on the couch reading a novel.

"Oh, Naruto-kun!" she greeted as he walked in, "How was the festival?"

"Hundreds of annoying children running around wildly, fighting in the tournament for your grandson and his friends, dealing with that Uchiha and knocking him down a peg, then fighting a few Jonin in the Jonin part..." he listed before shrugging, "Not too bad, you?"

Biwako copied his shrug, "Time alone without worrying about the house needing to be cleaned, not having to worry about Konohamaru messing the house up, a good book to read, this was the most relaxing day I've ever had."

The elderly woman then looked around, "Where's Konohamaru-chan?"

"Dropped him off at Moegi-chans house,"

Biwako smiled, "Ah, so he's at his little girlfriends house,"

He nodded, "Before you know it, you'll have a bunch of little Konohamaru's running around..." he joked before trailing off at the thought of mini Ko-chans running around and destoring the place, pushing him and an army of clones to the brink of insanity.

"KONOHAMARU!" Naruto yelled, turning around and bolting out the door. He had to stop that from ever happening and the sooner the better.

Biwako threw her book at him and nailed him in the back of the head, sending him face first into the ground where he slid a few feet. "Oh no you don't Naruto, I want me some great grand babies and you will not scare Ko-chans from starting a family... no matter how soon."

She grabbed his ankles and dragged the unconscious blonde back into the house.

-X-

Over the next few days, Naruto got back into his usual rhythm of doing things. He'd get up early, prepare Konohamaru's lunch if it hadn't been done the night before, make a light breakfast for the Sarutobis then badger Konohamaru until he got out of bed and got ready for school. Once he had Konohamaru in the shower, sometimes still half asleep, he would flush the toilet to wake the kid up, effectively waking up the kids next door with his screams.

This usually gave him a few minutes to think of ways to further torment Asuma while the two elder Sarutobis ate break fast.

Currently, we find Naruto holding the shower door closed while a clone flushed the toilet.

"AHHHHHHHHH!"

Konohamaru's morning scream acted like a alarm clock to his grandfather, who got up with a yawn. "Right on time, just as usual."

Holding onto the metal handle, Naruto could feel the younger boy slamming into the door hard, trying anything in his power to escape the boiling hot water. But the struggling stopped and soon, Naruto let go of the handle and walked out, "Hurry up in there, class starts in a hour."

Ten minutes later, Naruto hid a small grin as Konohamaru walked into the kitchen, his whole body bright red.

"I hate you," the boy grumbled softly as he passed by.

"Well if you learned to get up on your own then I wouldn't need to do such things," Naruto replied with a smile, a fake one full of kindness, "Now, before your grandparents show up, is there anything I should know about... like a progress report... referral... anything?"

Konohamaru shook his head, "No, but report cards come in next week."

"Are you going to pass?"

"You know it Boss!"

Biwako showed up a minute later, her hair in rollers while she wore a gown, "Good morning Ko-chan, Naru-kun."

"Morning Grandma,"

"Biwako-sama"

Hiruzen walked through while wearing the Hokage robes and hat, "Sorry but I have a lot of work to do today," he said to them while kissing his wife on the cheek, "I hate to eat and run but my paperwork keeps multiplying each day,"

With that, the man left in a puff of smoke.

The three ate in near silence, none of them really being morning people. Biwako asked every few minutes if Konohamaru had everything ready like a grandmother would and he would assure her that he did. But nearing the end of breakfast, Asuma finally showed up looking like he had slept in his uniform from the night before.

"Morning mom," he yawned, "Man I just couldn't get out of bed this morning,"

Naruto smirked, "What, did someone leave a big rock on your coffin again?"

The man glared at him, "Don't you have something to dust?"

Backing off, Naruto raised his hands in surrender, "Ok, Ok, you win... I'll just go and do my job then... would you like for me to dust the right side of your bed today?"

Before Asuma could retort, the door bell rang loudly, prompting him to leave the room to go and answer it.

Sitting down with his mother and nephew, Asuma fixed himself something to eat, "Hey mom, I'm going to be gone for a few days, got a mission out of the village with my students,"

"That's nice dear," Biwako smiled just as Naruto reentered the room.

"Asuma, there is this nice gentlemen at the door for you, he says that he is your old partner and I admire him for having the guts to admit it." Naruto deadpanned as he approached.

"Oh, that's right, I was going to-"

Naruto cut him off before he could continued, "Asuma, we accept your differences... just don't point them out to us?"

"What are you talking about?"

Naruto huffed, "We don't ask, you don't tell," he told the man, making Biwako stifle a snort in her coffee cup while Konohamaru snickered.

"I'm not gay!" Asuma exclaimed while standing up and storming off, returning a moment later to grab his plate before leaving again.

"Must you torment my son?" Biwako questioned after a moment, hiding her smile behind her cup, "He hasn't done anything to you... has he?"

"I'm simply carrying on Chiyoko's will," he told her with a small smile, "She's my inspiration,"

Checking the clock, Naruto saw that it was time for Konohamaru to get moving and sent him off to school before setting off to do his own work of cleaning up the house and straightening up the rooms. He made the Biwako and Hiruzen's bed up with the help of a clone before going to Konohamaru's room and doing the same.

"Hello," he muttered while seeing something sticking out from underneath the edge, "What's this?"

Pulling the object out, he found it to be a magazine and hummed, "I ought to kick your ass for having this Ko-chan," he said to himself while flipping through the pages, "Play-Nin, the holiday edition,"

Inside were multiple nude pictures of kunoichi wearing various articles of holiday colored clothing or gear, one even had on a bright red kunai pouch on her bare thigh while showing her that her pubes were cut in the shape of a small christmas tree.

He rolled the magazine up and stuffed it into his inside vest pocket, "I wondered where this went, I'll just have to make a mental note to kick his ass for stealing from me."

Looking back down, his eyes widened when five more Play-Nin magazines were poking out, pulled along when he grabbed the first, "Oh you little bastard,"

-X-

Sitting at his desk, Konohamaru looked up suddenly from the morning pop quiz he was taking, something that caught his teacher, Iruka's attention.

"Is there a problem Konohamaru?" the chunin asked, drawing the whole classes attention.

Konohamaru looked around carefully, leaning to peek out the window as well, "Sensei... I just got this strange feeling... like something bad is going to happen to me."

"I'm sure it's nothing," the man assured the boy.

"But Sensei!" Udon called out, "Don't you remember what happened last time? Konohamaru got the same feeling and was run over by a pack of Ox's."

Iruka thought about it, remembering how he brushed the boys plea aside and sent them outside, only for a bunch of large Ox's to stampede through the academy grounds and run over his student. "You know what... you may stay inside this afternoon,"

-X-

Around midday, Naruto entered the Hokage's office with Hiruzen's lunch and tea while carrying a messenger bag on his side.

The Hokage saw this raised an eyebrow suspiciously, "Naruto-kun... what is that?"

The blonde looked between the bag and the old man, "My cleaning supplies,"

The old man's eyes narrowed, "Cleaning supplies huh?"

The last time he saw the blonde wearing that it wasn't anything used for cleaning, it was a bunch of tools and things he used to pull pranks. Sure it had been quite a while since the bag had been seen but the chaos caused when he wore it kept the thing in his memory.

"Prove it,"

Smiling, Naruto opened the bag and presented it to the man, showing him that there was no pranking materiel, only cleaning supplies.

"See Hokage-sama, I'm not planning any nefarious plot against you," he told him with a smile. Sadly, his smile didn't seem to calm the old man, only made him more suspicious. But without any proof, Hiruzen let it go and enjoyed his lunch while Naruto started dusting his office.

His advisors, Homura Mitokado and Koharu Utatane came in after a little while and began to talk business with the Hokage, matters that were really only for the council to know about. But they overlooked the fact that Naruto was there, besides, he already knew many village secrets and proved his loyalty again and again... that and the fact that he sometimes kept their grandchildren Udon Mitokado and Moegi Utatane after school. They learned right quick that it was better to leave well enough alone when it came to the blonde retainer, he could make their lives much more annoying by not keeping an eye on the 'ko-corps' every once and awhile.

Naruto moved on to the leather love seat off to the side and began to polish it, ideally listening to what was said between the three village elders. 'Tsume Inuzuka backhanded the Uchiha... again?' he thought as he heard them talk, laughing inwardly, 'Wait... Tsume is Kiba's mother if I remember correctly, how can such an attractive woman like her give birth to an idiot like him?'

A small coughing sound reached his ears.

"Naruto-kun," Hiruzen called while fanning his face, "How long are you going to polish that couch? The smell is making me light headed,"

Naruto turned, holding the bottle of polish in one hand and the rag he was using in the other, "After awhile, you don't notice them sir," he replied, his eyes dilated and wide while his voice seemed to be a bit far off.

He let out a small cough and turned away from them, walking to the windows and opening them to air the room out. "Oh I nearly forgot, I need to go pick something up," he said after noticing that it was nearly one o'clock. "I'll return soon sir,"

-X-

Konohamaru sighed in relief as class started back, he had been nervous all throughout recess and had taken a defensive position in the back of the classroom, under one of the desks, while everyone besides Udon and Moegi were outside. They had decided to stay and keep him company during the wait, not wanting to abandon their friend in his time of need. But once the class returned and class began again, they were a bit put off.

"Ok class," Iruka started while getting their attention, "as promised, were not going to study history anymore today,"

This got them all to cheer excitedly.

"Yes, yes," Iruka nodded with a small grin, knowing how much they hated history, "For the rest of class I want to give you all a project."

That got them all to groan.

"Oh stop complaining, you'll like this. The project is a presentation on someone in or from the village. It can be someone famous, someone from the past, a missing ninja, one of the Hokage's... as long as they are a real person. Now this is a group project so I want you to get into groups of four and decide on who you want to do your presentation on. Any questions?"

A few children raised their hands and Iruka pointed to one of the first he saw, a little girl who cared more about her looks than training.

"Sensei, does it have to be a ninja?"

He shook his head, "No, as long as it is a real person from Konoha then you can choose whoever you want," the man told her before picking one of the fanboys in his class.

"Can it be someone from the class?"

Iruka thought about it and saw how he looked to Hanabi Hyuga before shrugging mentally, "As long as the person doesn't care."

Moegi, Udon, and Konohamaru shared a look, they already knew who they were going to do their project on. But before they could do anything else, the classroom door opened and the woman from the front office stuck her head in.

"Iruka-san, Konohamaru Sarutobi is needed at the front office." she said before leaving.

"Ohhh, your in trouble," some of the kids jeered.

Looking confused, Konohamaru stood up from his desk and walked out the door.

When it closed, Iruka turned back to the class, "Ok, as I was saying-"

-BOOM-

Everyone flinched at the loud noise and saw the small glass window of the classroom door turn pink.

Running over, fearing that it may have been an attack of some kind, Iruka opened the door to find Konohamaru sticking a few inches off the floor on the outside, the entire front side of his body covered in pink paint.

Slowly, the boy fell to the floor, showing that there was a perfect outline of him on the door which caused the entire class to burst into laughter.

Iruka sighed, "I'll call your guardian."

-X-

When Naruto got the message from the academy that he needed to bring Konohamaru a clean set of clothing, he smirked to himself and unsealed a set of Konohamaru's clothes from a small scroll before heading to the academy.

-X-

Sitting in the front of the class, Konohamaru fumed in embarrassment as he was forced to sit on a plastic covered chair while the paint dripped down his body. His project partners, Moegi and Udon, sat near him with their third partner, Hanabi, while discussing their project.

Hanabi Hyuga wanted to do the project of someone from her clan, but all three of her partners had a different idea on who to research. While she was put off that she didn't get her way, their choice was interesting enough. They wanted to use the Sarutobi clan retainer, Uzumaki Naruto, the same person who had taught Konohamaru the jutsu he used to blind her during their match.

Knocking from the door caught their attention just before it was opened, "Excuse me but I believe that Konohamaru needs these," Naruto said as he walked in.

Iruka nodded, "Yes thank you. Now Konohamaru go to the boy's locker room and wash that mess off."

"Yes sensei,"

Naruto escorted Konohamaru there and took the paint covered clothing while the boy stripped down to his underwear. The two weren't embarrassed to undress around one another anymore, seeing as the blonde basically half raised the boy and regularly took a father/brother figure role if needed.

"Konohamaru," Naruto said as he gave the boy a towel from the scroll, "If you ever steal things from my room again then a paint bomb will be the least of your problems,"

The boy spun around, "That way you!"

Naruto nodded, "Yes and would you care to guess what I found in your room this morning? I'll give you a hint, six of them were under your mattress."

Konohamaru grimaced and looked ashamed, "I'm sorry Boss,"

"You should be and be thankful that I found them and not your grandmother... she'd kick yours, mine, Asuma, and the old man's ass just to be safe."

"So... your not mad at me for taking them?"

He shrugged, "Not for taking them, mainly because you took them without asking... now wash that mess off and get back to class."

Konohamaru nodded with a grin on his face, "Yes boss,"

Naruto returned the grin and turned away as the boy went into one of the shower stalls. They were mainly for when students got very dirty when practicing outside, but sometimes were used for when something like this happened.

Hearing the water running, Naruto smirked and started for the door, only to make a quick detour and flushed one of the two toilets in the room, causing Konohamaru to shriek as the water turned extremely hot.

-X-

Returning to the Hokage's office, Naruto found himself walking in on Team Seven getting a C-rank mission after having to carry large bags of cow manure, if the stench was anything to go by. He ignored the genin and picked up the Hokage's dishes before vanishing, much to Sasuke's anger, and returned after dropping them off with a clone to be washed.

But when he returned, Kakashi and his team were gone.

"Sir are you sure that giving that team a C-rank mission was a good thing to do?" he questioned in a offhand tone.

Hiruzen stopped in mid writing and looked at him, "What do you mean?"

Naruto got into his 'butler' stance and closed his eyes, "Well sir, far be it for me to tell you how to do your job but while Kakashi is a talented ninja his team leave much to be desired." he spoke before elaborating further, "The Kunoichi on the team is more of a wall flower than anything, the Uchiha believes that everything should be given to him on a silver platter, and that other boy... well I'm not sure about him, but from what I hear, there is a betting pool to see who the Uchiha fornicates with first... I'm pulling for the male myself seeing as the Uchiha has yet to go for any female that talks to him."

Hiruzen was silent for a moment, "Well... I'm sure Kakashi can handle it,"

Naruto raised an eyebrow at that, his tone seemed to sound as if the man was trying to be convincing. Weather or not it was to convince him or himself he didn't know.

"Well if you say so sir, but I reserve the right to say I told you so should things go wrong,"

_To be continued..._

-X-

PLEASE REVIEW.

Sorry but this is mainly filler before I get into the series, and some should already be able to guess what's about to happen.


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